Part 2 A cup of failures is worth more than a drop of success

Failing is winning

(Art credit- D* Face)

Were taught how "bad" failure is during our most important years of development that may have the longest lasting emotional footprint. This isn't our own fault.  Our upbringing caused a nasty taste to be associated with the word failure when spoken out loud.  Like a finger is being pointed at someone, and that person should be ashamed.

  This is so frustrating to me.  Failure has to be embraced, like a warm body on a cold night!  Well maybe not that tight....or personal.  If we ever want to go anywhere, we need to not only be willing to make mistakes (see my post on fear here), but willing to accept that we made one, learn from it, and move on.  

 Failure, what the hell is it?

Its horrible, its red, it ruins your self worth, makes your mom and dad really pissed off, can taste burnt, could cost you an aquarium and end up getting flushed down the toilet, causes people to laugh at you, causes you to laugh at others and more....no those are negatives that we pick up on.  Isn't it weird how you always remember the bad stuff? I remember the people that have wronged me or hated me the most...what a waste of emotion!  Ultimately it falls under two categories. 

1. Those who fail because they're too afraid to try (if you're afraid to try as we learned from part 1, you should be trying more!)
2. Those who crash and burn because their attempts didn't work. (this one is the right one).

The failure we want MORE of in life, the symptom of trying, its our goal, and there is no better pursuit.


when People are trying more, they're taking chances and making it happen.  Sure they might fail....wait...thats great!  No one succeeds without trying.  

Fear of failure is preventing yourself from even trying.  

"oh no im not afraid of failing, i'm just waiting until i have a better understanding of ...." "it wasn't the right moment…" 

 screw that!  


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. " -Theadore Roosevelt


Every second you tell yourself that you're not ready yet, its another lesson lost, and another success put on hold.  Trying to be successful without failing is like trying to distinguish dark from light by only knowing one.  

Failure is without a doubt our biggest teacher, mentor, and Sifou out there.  It adds to our life experiences, it helps distinguish us. 

We need to be trying more, and more and more.  Ask a successful business man about what they did right, and they may or may not be able to tell you what they did.  Could have been luck.


  Ask him about his failures and he can tell you what went wrong, why, and what he learned.  You can, and will, learn more from failures than you can from success.  instead of trying to figure out the perfect way of doing something, just do it!  Try it.  Like a friend told me there are good ideas and good stories.  If its not one it'll be the other.

How to fail better

One of the biggest backlashes we feel as a result from failure is that…well…it didn't go the way we expected.  Thats the cause for the anger and frustration we see on the roads.  You get cut off by some d**chebag on your way to work and you react, "how could they?! heathens!!!" The philosopher, Seneca, had much to say on how we get frustrated when things don't go the way we plan. 

The recommended way of dealing with this is to consider your decisions an experiment
…they may or may not go the way you expect, but make sure you pay attention to the result.  Even if isn't what you wanted to see, its what is there, and its there for a reason.  So at the very least, to make damn sure you don't make the same mistake twice, make sure to pay attention to your mistakes.  

Some times, as stated, failures can lead to results we didn't expect.  That doesn't mean we need to throw away what we've done.  Often these results can contain the lesson...or in fact be the answer to a completely different question.



Start projects
http://www.instructables.com/

Learn a new skill
http://www.buzzfeed.com/summeranne/24-invaluable-skills-to-learn-for-free-online-this-year

A new language! 
https://www.duolingo.com/

(follow me on duolingo AndrewGd2)


 If it makes you uncomfortable, then do it.  That uncomfortable, tightness where you're throat is? nervousness?  That is your target! Once you lock in on that, start taking steps forward, you're breaking down barriers man!  You will achieve new heights, gain new perspectives, new friendships, understand more about yourself.  And if you give up, don't feel bad we all do at some point, just start again!

 Start a business, project, blog, fail at blogging ;) anything.



-Andrew

Giving to Charity, why you shouldn't stay silent.

On my way to work today, a man and I made eye contact, and I immediately thought...."shit!"

 It was that so familiar, "I can see you seeing me, I'm about to walk up to you now and start talking....here i come" look.

He wore a top hat, a flannel shirt, had lots of necklaces, one with a card attached that had his membership number to Wildlife Australia, a few bracelets, ripped jeans, and some old shoes.  He was warm, with a genuine look on his face.

"Do you have any concerns facing the environment? he asked.
"how long can you talk for?  I have to go to work in a few minutes"  I replied

He informed me of Wildlife Australia
"I'm a member" I said
"right on!" he replied and gave me a high five
"you just saved me heaps of time thanks man!" he continued.  We shook hands and he left.

"F**K! why would I lie about that ?" I asked myself

...this started a huge wave of personal reflection and self critiquing.

Obviously, my lying had something to do with my uncomfortableness with dealing with these guys.  Everyone I know feels this way though.....but why?  People asking for stuff, walking right up to you, maybe they call you up at dinner time non stop, asking for donations.  GIVE ME A BREAK! we think to ourselves.  Not me please don't....no i don't want to discuss this right now... don't make me say no!

Not only that but I feel bad every time I say no.  So then why am I saying no?  Why do I have a bad feeling when these guys are walking up to me to ask for my help?  I love helping people.  I care about people, the environment, our home.  If i had to believe in a divine power, it would be the earth and everything on it, so why wasn't i listening to the call of her children to help?!

I'm really starting to believe that over time, a few things have tainted our idea of charity and giving.  This is my personal opinion.

Firstly, we are emotional creatures.  We make decisions based off our emotions, and justify them afterwards with the "logical" side of our brain (the level of "logicness" is relative to each individual) So I can assume I'm not donating because of an emotional reason.  Then i don't donate.  Then i justify it.  An excuse you may have heard yourself say is,

"I shouldn't donate to make myself feel good."

While you and I are busy not donating because we don't want to feel good about it, some one is out there suffering.  So the IDEA that altruism is the only reason to donate, can be thrown out.  Doing things only because its the right thing to do robs a lot of people of possible help.  We should help because of all the reasons, the acceptable and the non acceptable.

We're slowly becoming programmed more and more to not donate.  Our brains are trained to dedicate less emotion/empathy to occurrences that regularly elicit an emotional response.  Its one of our many forms of adapting and preserving our sanity.  This leads to something called compassion fatigue in professions like EMT's and Doctors, but on a faster/larger scale.   We start to care less and less.

The same thing is happening here.  Before we would stop and listen to these guys...these "do-gooders" talk all day about how we are going to make a difference by donating.  Now we can spot them a mile away and walk right past them without feeling anything for the most part...maybe even relief?  

Another reason not to donate is because you genuinely don't want to give up that cheddar!
I have gone down this path before.  I've signed up, then retracted my money.  Later on i think about it...Basically i could have supported this charity membership if i only stopped drinking 5 cokes a month...I spend my money on much dumber stuff, so surely 5 cokes i can do...but i still withdraw...why?!

I've started to wonder if we are increasingly wired by society to not give.  "Why don't we talk about charity?" I started to ask myself....
"wait...seriously why, as a society do we talk so little about charity?!"

Some of my friends and I do, but not like we talk about things like, sports, music, politics, relationships.   We don't discuss charities at the dinner table.  Why are we so focused on the problem.  We talk about all these horrible things going on overseas but the actual solution which is there in front of all of us is so much harder to talk about?

"Holy crap!? why don't we talk about charity?! Isn't it important to all of us?! of course it is..."
So i started to search around the internet and what I saw was horrible.

People who start to talk about their dealings with a charity, Even how helping out a charity has made them feel, get flamed and harassed by complete strangers!  Some even get given crap by their friends and family!

  I couldn't believe it.  How can we expect more people to want to donate when we can't even talk about charity without people looking down at us for talking about it?

The problem comes from what we describe as bragging, and bragging is looked down upon in almost every religion and ideology out there.  As soon as people start to talk about charity they have done, they get labelled as braggers.

 Granted, there are people who are seeking validation, attention, recognition for their good deeds, but this isn't just their fault, and it shouldn't matter!

If we all donated, there would be nothing to brag about, more importantly Bragging does not change the end result.  What we are really getting upset over is our own problems.  I find most people who are getting upset about people bragging or accusing people of bragging fall into two categories.

People who feel bad about not donating themselves, and so flame those who do donate or brag/talk about it.

• these guys need to get over themselves.  No one likes a hypocrite.

People who are actually humble about their donations and think no one should talk about it.

• You guys I understand less, they are still donating and the money is going to a good cause.  Do you run up to a person driving a Ferrari and give them a piece of your mind for "showing off"? How is this different?

there is a difference between bragging and acknowledging something, but they may not be distinguishable to some.

 I want to encourage acknowledging the charity you and others have done.
Spread the word, we need more of this.  You can't believe that not sharing stories of your donations would give that charity more attention than actually discussing it.

Tell people how it makes you feel, and why!  Talk about the good its doing and why its important to you! 

  Charity is charity, there is no right or wrong way (as long as we're not hurting anyone).  The more the better.

Think about all those Socially Responsible companies like

Toms
Hero Condoms
Shebeen bar

and others that have consumer driven charity built in.  They are profiting off of people suffering.  Yes that is one way to look at it, if you're a pessimist.  Or we can look at the end results.  Lives being saved, lives being changed, people getting an education and opportunities they would never dreamed of getting.

These guys are generating large revenues over peoples hardships, but they are making a HUGE difference.

How is that different for some one donating because it makes them feel better about themselves and discussing it?  The same thing is achieved.  You are helping some one, and their is personal gain.

When you talk about a petition you want people to sign, you don't just sign it and stay silent, then try not to feel good.  You ask around, you talk about it, spam the shit out of your friends news feed until they question if your Facebook account hasn't been hacked.

You tell people why you did it, why it matters to you.  If it doesn't matter to you well no dramas then.  I like to believe that charity matters to everyone (i know it matters to you I'm just being silly).

If we lived in a society, where everyone donated, talking about charity would be common place. Thats because it would just be a part of life.  Like filling up your car with gas/petrol, going to the doctors, and it should be, in fact, I know it will be, one day.

Until then we need to do all we can to bring it closer.  Help everyone!  The hardest problem should be choosing a charity.  I myself will have to look a couple up to make up for my horrible lie today. I'll keep you posted.

BUT TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK.  Am i crazy? do you agree? Have a better idea? let me know down below!

I'll continue my series next week...i just had to throw this question out there.

-Andrew

Part 1 of Fear and Failure-Why do when you can try, Yoda?

Part 1

Fear...

Do you have a fear of failure?

do you...

• have a reluctance to try new things and get involved if you think you think its hard?
• self sabotage?
• have low self esteem or low confidence?
• need to be perfect at everything you do?

Then sorry to inform you, you're human.  We don't come with instruction manuals, so don't beat yourself up...unless you're not even going to try to make it better...

"I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can't accept not trying."

-Michael Jordan

Winning is awesome...but hardly anyone talks about the near win.  

Failure and fear.... One of our best sources of knowledge and most sensitive of senses, but we've been raised to steer clear from these two like they are out to ruin our lives.  Ever since the beginning of our lives, forms of negative reinforcement have been in play to evoke uncomfortable feelings and emotions when we fail or become afraid.  

From the conception of our species, fear played a valuable part in our survival.  Our existence today is thanks to that fight or flight response to a dangerous situation our ancestors incorporated 200,000 years ago.  Quite a bit of fighting and flighting. If we are afraid of something we are told to run away, steer clear, call for help, but that was 200,000 years ago.

 

 Over time, things have changed, nd things have changed radically, in the last decade in itself!.  We are fighting and "flighting" in response to increasingly less dangerous situations, and often, the wrong situations.  

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying DON't Be afraid!

Thats right...I say BE AFRAID!

Like you and I were "discussing" earlier, Fear is an emotion that has developed over the 200,000 years of our species existence, probably longer.  Therefore it is one of the MOST valuable and accurate tools you could ever have in your toolbox of ...people...tools....maybe i'll edit that later...

What we need, is to harness this power, this response to uncomfortable situations, and change our response to it. 

 Fear is there to let you know that you are about to run into an uncomfortable situation.  Now sometimes maybe these uncomfortable positions are legit...don't play chicken with trains thinking you there is no spoon (did I get that right?) .

 More so, in response to these situations we face every day in life, socially, in relationships, looking at issues within our selves.  That "fear" we feel of approaching those subjects, maybe its a tightness in your chest, heavy stomach feeling, harness into that.

That is literally telling you there maybe something that needs fixing.  If there wasn't, then why would feel that way? think about it. "Oh my god i don't want to bring up this issue because this MIGHT happen...this COULD possibly be the outcome...".  It hasn't even happened yet.  "Wait so if I'm afraid or uncomfortable in certain situations I have problems?" what the hell is wrong with that?  Nothing!!! Were human buddy, everything we do is human, if everything we do is human, everything we do is normal to our species.

I guarantee you that most of what we do and think only we do...other people do.  Go talk to strangers more often, and you'll see what I mean.

What concerns me more is that people would continue feeling this way in these situations, than go out there and make things better for themselves, but still say "I have problems. "

If you keep doing what you always did, you're gonna get what you always got 

Plain and simple, if you don't like where you are, you need to physically change what you do.  If something feels different, do it.  Maybe what you thought you had to do might end up making you feel like a loser, then do it, because the truth is you're not a loser.  You just did something you were uncomfortable with.  That makes you a boss!

Maybe you like  having your problems, and if that's the case, then by all means... but i don't and if I don't, I know others don't.

continuing on

So what holds us back from doing these things were "afraid" of?  It challenges the image of who we think we are.  

realize its okay to change, to want to change, to make a change.

Stop fabricating these doom and gloom scenarios to things that haven't happened.  That response is another left over from evolution, its there to help you survive life and death situations.  It shouldn't be there to hold you back from asking some one to move over on public transport, or to keep it down while they are on the phone, asking for a day off at work.

So go out, and be afraid, but its time to learn, if it can't kill you.....or mortally wound you leaving you with a debilitating injury, it can make you stronger!

Next Week Part 2
Failure

Let me know what you think.  Do you think we should continue to react the way we do to these emotions, should we suppress them, should we change.  I want to know!  Do you have any thing you'd like to add.
-Andrew