It was that so familiar, "I can see you seeing me, I'm about to walk up to you now and start talking....here i come" look.
He wore a top hat, a flannel shirt, had lots of necklaces, one with a card attached that had his membership number to Wildlife Australia, a few bracelets, ripped jeans, and some old shoes. He was warm, with a genuine look on his face.
"Do you have any concerns facing the environment? he asked.
"how long can you talk for? I have to go to work in a few minutes" I replied
He informed me of Wildlife Australia
"I'm a member" I said
"right on!" he replied and gave me a high five
"you just saved me heaps of time thanks man!" he continued. We shook hands and he left.
"F**K! why would I lie about that ?" I asked myself
...this started a huge wave of personal reflection and self critiquing.
Obviously, my lying had something to do with my uncomfortableness with dealing with these guys. Everyone I know feels this way though.....but why? People asking for stuff, walking right up to you, maybe they call you up at dinner time non stop, asking for donations. GIVE ME A BREAK! we think to ourselves. Not me please don't....no i don't want to discuss this right now... don't make me say no!
Not only that but I feel bad every time I say no. So then why am I saying no? Why do I have a bad feeling when these guys are walking up to me to ask for my help? I love helping people. I care about people, the environment, our home. If i had to believe in a divine power, it would be the earth and everything on it, so why wasn't i listening to the call of her children to help?!
I'm really starting to believe that over time, a few things have tainted our idea of charity and giving. This is my personal opinion.
Firstly, we are emotional creatures. We make decisions based off our emotions, and justify them afterwards with the "logical" side of our brain (the level of "logicness" is relative to each individual) So I can assume I'm not donating because of an emotional reason. Then i don't donate. Then i justify it. An excuse you may have heard yourself say is,
"I shouldn't donate to make myself feel good."
While you and I are busy not donating because we don't want to feel good about it, some one is out there suffering. So the IDEA that altruism is the only reason to donate, can be thrown out. Doing things only because its the right thing to do robs a lot of people of possible help. We should help because of all the reasons, the acceptable and the non acceptable.
We're slowly becoming programmed more and more to not donate. Our brains are trained to dedicate less emotion/empathy to occurrences that regularly elicit an emotional response. Its one of our many forms of adapting and preserving our sanity. This leads to something called compassion fatigue in professions like EMT's and Doctors, but on a faster/larger scale. We start to care less and less.
The same thing is happening here. Before we would stop and listen to these guys...these "do-gooders" talk all day about how we are going to make a difference by donating. Now we can spot them a mile away and walk right past them without feeling anything for the most part...maybe even relief?
Another reason not to donate is because you genuinely don't want to give up that cheddar!
I have gone down this path before. I've signed up, then retracted my money. Later on i think about it...Basically i could have supported this charity membership if i only stopped drinking 5 cokes a month...I spend my money on much dumber stuff, so surely 5 cokes i can do...but i still withdraw...why?!
I've started to wonder if we are increasingly wired by society to not give. "Why don't we talk about charity?" I started to ask myself....
"wait...seriously why, as a society do we talk so little about charity?!"
Some of my friends and I do, but not like we talk about things like, sports, music, politics, relationships. We don't discuss charities at the dinner table. Why are we so focused on the problem. We talk about all these horrible things going on overseas but the actual solution which is there in front of all of us is so much harder to talk about?
"Holy crap!? why don't we talk about charity?! Isn't it important to all of us?! of course it is..."
So i started to search around the internet and what I saw was horrible.
People who start to talk about their dealings with a charity, Even how helping out a charity has made them feel, get flamed and harassed by complete strangers! Some even get given crap by their friends and family!
I couldn't believe it. How can we expect more people to want to donate when we can't even talk about charity without people looking down at us for talking about it?
The problem comes from what we describe as bragging, and bragging is looked down upon in almost every religion and ideology out there. As soon as people start to talk about charity they have done, they get labelled as braggers.
Granted, there are people who are seeking validation, attention, recognition for their good deeds, but this isn't just their fault, and it shouldn't matter!
If we all donated, there would be nothing to brag about, more importantly Bragging does not change the end result. What we are really getting upset over is our own problems. I find most people who are getting upset about people bragging or accusing people of bragging fall into two categories.
People who feel bad about not donating themselves, and so flame those who do donate or brag/talk about it.
- these guys need to get over themselves. No one likes a hypocrite.
People who are actually humble about their donations and think no one should talk about it.
- You guys I understand less, they are still donating and the money is going to a good cause. Do you run up to a person driving a Ferrari and give them a piece of your mind for "showing off"? How is this different?
there is a difference between bragging and acknowledging something, but they may not be distinguishable to some.
I want to encourage acknowledging the charity you and others have done.
Spread the word, we need more of this. You can't believe that not sharing stories of your donations would give that charity more attention than actually discussing it.
Tell people how it makes you feel, and why! Talk about the good its doing and why its important to you!
Charity is charity, there is no right or wrong way (as long as we're not hurting anyone). The more the better.
Think about all those Socially Responsible companies like
Toms
Hero Condoms
Shebeen bar
and others that have consumer driven charity built in. They are profiting off of people suffering. Yes that is one way to look at it, if you're a pessimist. Or we can look at the end results. Lives being saved, lives being changed, people getting an education and opportunities they would never dreamed of getting.
These guys are generating large revenues over peoples hardships, but they are making a HUGE difference.
How is that different for some one donating because it makes them feel better about themselves and discussing it? The same thing is achieved. You are helping some one, and their is personal gain.
When you talk about a petition you want people to sign, you don't just sign it and stay silent, then try not to feel good. You ask around, you talk about it, spam the shit out of your friends news feed until they question if your Facebook account hasn't been hacked.
You tell people why you did it, why it matters to you. If it doesn't matter to you well no dramas then. I like to believe that charity matters to everyone (i know it matters to you I'm just being silly).
If we lived in a society, where everyone donated, talking about charity would be common place. Thats because it would just be a part of life. Like filling up your car with gas/petrol, going to the doctors, and it should be, in fact, I know it will be, one day.
Until then we need to do all we can to bring it closer. Help everyone! The hardest problem should be choosing a charity. I myself will have to look a couple up to make up for my horrible lie today. I'll keep you posted.
BUT TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK. Am i crazy? do you agree? Have a better idea? let me know down below!
I'll continue my series next week...i just had to throw this question out there.
-Andrew
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