Journal of the Wantrapreneur : the pain compass

Going through life, each of us forms our own unique relationship with pain. Whether it is physical, emotional or mental pain, it is rare to hear of someone who has never been hurt. Nor would I trust such a person. Pain tells us we are out of our comfort zone, it signals that something is happening beyond our expected norm. When considering our day to day lives, we often feel discomfort when our expectations aren’t met. These expectations could be long standing paradigms that we believe in and have had challenged, or they could be expectations made from recently acquired information. Generally, when things don’t go according to plan, we feel a little tightness in our chest, some discomfort, some pain. This may vary greatly from person to person. Some people don’t deal with pain very well, others were born from it.

While pain is a very unique feeling, however, societies tend to under harness the potential power of this feeling and instead teach that pain is something to be avoided. I would argue the contrary. Pain is unique and powerful emotion to an individual in the context of his or her life, which instead of being completely steered away from, should be recognize and accepted for what it is. Pain is our emotional response to a stimulus. When thinking about pain or discomfort in this manner, it can actually be used as our own compass to explore our boundaries. Where do our limits lie?

It can be used as a diagnostic tool for not only ourselves but the journeys and projects we embark on throughout life. Okay so this company project doesn’t seem to be doing well, why is that? Why am I suddenly feeling this way when this person brings up ”blank”? Something is happening, it’s not going as I expected and I’m having an emotional reaction. Now that I am aware of my actual boundaries, and where my limits are, where do I go from here? What changes do I need to make to better handle this situation in the future?

Of course actually deploying this style of self-awareness during the live feeling of pain is no simple task, it takes a conscious degree of mindfulness. So practice is key, as practice makes perfect. Actually practice doesn't make perfect, it makes it habits, and habits take very little energy to do. So the more we practice being mindful in life, the sooner we can discover our own limitations, where they come from, if they can be pushed, without even thinking about it.

 As an entrepreneur, it is imperative that we realise when we are out of our depth, and that when we are, we decide that staying the course is what we need to do or to alter it. It’s when we ignore what our bodies are telling us that we begin to suffer. It’s when we continue to act incongruently to who we actually are, that we continue to suffer. So don’t ignore the pain, embrace it, listen to it, accept it, and make the needed changes for you to grown in all areas of your life.

There is a very important lesson that I must follow up with and that is,

We are not our thoughts or our feelings. 

When we identify with a thought or an emotion, especially a negative one, we run the risk of becoming consumed in a world of hurt. In addition, all emotions stem from thoughts. Every feeling you've felt, was sourced from a thought. By policing our thoughts we can become better masters of our house. Awareness is the answer, by observing your thoughts and feelings instead of letting them run your life, we begin to separate the feelings and thoughts based on assumptions from our true selves. Most of our negative thoughts and emotions stem from not knowing. If you don't know, ask, do not base your actions, risk your mental health, or happiness on uninformed assumptions. If you're afraid to ask, maybe that is your pain compass signalling you have some work to do.

Part 2 A cup of failures is worth more than a drop of success

Failing is winning

(Art credit- D* Face)

Were taught how "bad" failure is during our most important years of development that may have the longest lasting emotional footprint. This isn't our own fault.  Our upbringing caused a nasty taste to be associated with the word failure when spoken out loud.  Like a finger is being pointed at someone, and that person should be ashamed.

  This is so frustrating to me.  Failure has to be embraced, like a warm body on a cold night!  Well maybe not that tight....or personal.  If we ever want to go anywhere, we need to not only be willing to make mistakes (see my post on fear here), but willing to accept that we made one, learn from it, and move on.  

 Failure, what the hell is it?

Its horrible, its red, it ruins your self worth, makes your mom and dad really pissed off, can taste burnt, could cost you an aquarium and end up getting flushed down the toilet, causes people to laugh at you, causes you to laugh at others and more....no those are negatives that we pick up on.  Isn't it weird how you always remember the bad stuff? I remember the people that have wronged me or hated me the most...what a waste of emotion!  Ultimately it falls under two categories. 

1. Those who fail because they're too afraid to try (if you're afraid to try as we learned from part 1, you should be trying more!)
2. Those who crash and burn because their attempts didn't work. (this one is the right one).

The failure we want MORE of in life, the symptom of trying, its our goal, and there is no better pursuit.


when People are trying more, they're taking chances and making it happen.  Sure they might fail....wait...thats great!  No one succeeds without trying.  

Fear of failure is preventing yourself from even trying.  

"oh no im not afraid of failing, i'm just waiting until i have a better understanding of ...." "it wasn't the right moment…" 

 screw that!  


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. " -Theadore Roosevelt


Every second you tell yourself that you're not ready yet, its another lesson lost, and another success put on hold.  Trying to be successful without failing is like trying to distinguish dark from light by only knowing one.  

Failure is without a doubt our biggest teacher, mentor, and Sifou out there.  It adds to our life experiences, it helps distinguish us. 

We need to be trying more, and more and more.  Ask a successful business man about what they did right, and they may or may not be able to tell you what they did.  Could have been luck.


  Ask him about his failures and he can tell you what went wrong, why, and what he learned.  You can, and will, learn more from failures than you can from success.  instead of trying to figure out the perfect way of doing something, just do it!  Try it.  Like a friend told me there are good ideas and good stories.  If its not one it'll be the other.

How to fail better

One of the biggest backlashes we feel as a result from failure is that…well…it didn't go the way we expected.  Thats the cause for the anger and frustration we see on the roads.  You get cut off by some d**chebag on your way to work and you react, "how could they?! heathens!!!" The philosopher, Seneca, had much to say on how we get frustrated when things don't go the way we plan. 

The recommended way of dealing with this is to consider your decisions an experiment
…they may or may not go the way you expect, but make sure you pay attention to the result.  Even if isn't what you wanted to see, its what is there, and its there for a reason.  So at the very least, to make damn sure you don't make the same mistake twice, make sure to pay attention to your mistakes.  

Some times, as stated, failures can lead to results we didn't expect.  That doesn't mean we need to throw away what we've done.  Often these results can contain the lesson...or in fact be the answer to a completely different question.



Start projects
http://www.instructables.com/

Learn a new skill
http://www.buzzfeed.com/summeranne/24-invaluable-skills-to-learn-for-free-online-this-year

A new language! 
https://www.duolingo.com/

(follow me on duolingo AndrewGd2)


 If it makes you uncomfortable, then do it.  That uncomfortable, tightness where you're throat is? nervousness?  That is your target! Once you lock in on that, start taking steps forward, you're breaking down barriers man!  You will achieve new heights, gain new perspectives, new friendships, understand more about yourself.  And if you give up, don't feel bad we all do at some point, just start again!

 Start a business, project, blog, fail at blogging ;) anything.



-Andrew