Journal of the Wantrapreneur : the pain compass

Going through life, each of us forms our own unique relationship with pain. Whether it is physical, emotional or mental pain, it is rare to hear of someone who has never been hurt. Nor would I trust such a person. Pain tells us we are out of our comfort zone, it signals that something is happening beyond our expected norm. When considering our day to day lives, we often feel discomfort when our expectations aren’t met. These expectations could be long standing paradigms that we believe in and have had challenged, or they could be expectations made from recently acquired information. Generally, when things don’t go according to plan, we feel a little tightness in our chest, some discomfort, some pain. This may vary greatly from person to person. Some people don’t deal with pain very well, others were born from it.

While pain is a very unique feeling, however, societies tend to under harness the potential power of this feeling and instead teach that pain is something to be avoided. I would argue the contrary. Pain is unique and powerful emotion to an individual in the context of his or her life, which instead of being completely steered away from, should be recognize and accepted for what it is. Pain is our emotional response to a stimulus. When thinking about pain or discomfort in this manner, it can actually be used as our own compass to explore our boundaries. Where do our limits lie?

It can be used as a diagnostic tool for not only ourselves but the journeys and projects we embark on throughout life. Okay so this company project doesn’t seem to be doing well, why is that? Why am I suddenly feeling this way when this person brings up ”blank”? Something is happening, it’s not going as I expected and I’m having an emotional reaction. Now that I am aware of my actual boundaries, and where my limits are, where do I go from here? What changes do I need to make to better handle this situation in the future?

Of course actually deploying this style of self-awareness during the live feeling of pain is no simple task, it takes a conscious degree of mindfulness. So practice is key, as practice makes perfect. Actually practice doesn't make perfect, it makes it habits, and habits take very little energy to do. So the more we practice being mindful in life, the sooner we can discover our own limitations, where they come from, if they can be pushed, without even thinking about it.

 As an entrepreneur, it is imperative that we realise when we are out of our depth, and that when we are, we decide that staying the course is what we need to do or to alter it. It’s when we ignore what our bodies are telling us that we begin to suffer. It’s when we continue to act incongruently to who we actually are, that we continue to suffer. So don’t ignore the pain, embrace it, listen to it, accept it, and make the needed changes for you to grown in all areas of your life.

There is a very important lesson that I must follow up with and that is,

We are not our thoughts or our feelings. 

When we identify with a thought or an emotion, especially a negative one, we run the risk of becoming consumed in a world of hurt. In addition, all emotions stem from thoughts. Every feeling you've felt, was sourced from a thought. By policing our thoughts we can become better masters of our house. Awareness is the answer, by observing your thoughts and feelings instead of letting them run your life, we begin to separate the feelings and thoughts based on assumptions from our true selves. Most of our negative thoughts and emotions stem from not knowing. If you don't know, ask, do not base your actions, risk your mental health, or happiness on uninformed assumptions. If you're afraid to ask, maybe that is your pain compass signalling you have some work to do.

Journal of the Wantrapreneur : The Vision

We all have them; ideas, dreams, visions. After we have our grand vision like the ark for Noah, where do we go from there? We'll lets take Noah for example. He put pen to paper (Quill, charcoal, I don't know I wasn't there), and started to draw it out. Then he enlisted the help of those around them in the construction of his vision and presto, life on earth was saved!

Unfortunately, in modern times, going from vision, to planning, to execution is not as simple as badabing badaboom.

Noah didn't have to worry about validating his vision to his peers and the public.

Noah didn't have to worry about the pain of bureaucracy from his team, and other key partners

Noah didn't have to worry about raising venture capital.

Noah didn't have to....

Unfortunately we rarely hear about the trials and tribulation of the successful entrepreneur today. This can lead to people becoming disheartened after hitting the first obstacle.

I'm a serial "failer" in that I have tried and failed numerous times with a variety of projects and in life in general, but perhaps that is for another blog post.

Initially I would have a vision or a drive to complete a certain project, but unfortunately it wouldn't go much further than that. These ideas would just sit in my head, pop up in conversation and rinse and repeat until they were lost. It wasn't until I was trying to draw up dimensions for a desk I was designing did I realize the power of putting pen to paper. Even easier is using a note taking application like Evernote to quickly capture your ideas. The other great thing about writing down your ideas is that you can re-visit them and alter them. When you only use your brain, we spend so much energy recalling the idea, that we aren't able to add to them. We also run the risk of forgetting parts of the idea and this associates a negative feeling to the idea because it's now an incomplete representation of what it once was. So write them DOWN.

The other great thing about having a notebook full of your ideas, is that it empties your head of the random ideas that fill it. The first idea I had was to start selling custom electronic cigarette juices, the next idea was collapsible high heels. While there wasn't much similarity between these two projects, over time, emptying my mind of these random ideas started leaving room for new ideas that were more focused around what I am passionate about. Sharing the understanding and appreciation for life I have gained through Science to the rest of the world.

The final thing I want to talk about involving your "visions", is food for thought. Having a notebook that you can look back on, filled with your ideas is a great resource to turn to in a time of need or during a block. Often the obstacle that we face in a current project only requires a change in perception to overcome, observing the problem in a different way. Having a notebook with your ideas in it will link you back to the need that inspired those ideas as well as any headway you made on them. It is doubtful that we would think of all of our projects that we have under the same emotional and mental state. Linking back to these states through past ideas can help get you out of the current emotional and mental state. It may remind you of someone who could have insight into how to solve your problem. Or it could give rise to a completely different idea altogether. To each their own.

Would you trust some one who has never failed?

"Failure is success in progress"

-Albert Einstein

http://taptotransform.com/uncategorized/releasing-the-fear-of-failure/

  If a society won't accept failure it wont understand what progress is.  Society has an overwhelming obsession with the word "SUCCESS", but is this justified? Why is there such a large emphasis on success, but not on what comes before?  

The way success is portrayed and communicated to us, the people, is without a glance to what supersedes all successes,  failure.  The result? 

 People become disheartened when they fail, they lose self esteem, they go from a "can do" attitude to "never again". They say to themselves..."well I guess it was just not meant to be."  They think the only right outcome is success.  

Eduardo Zanatta says in a TED Talk, "We fail at something and quit because we create this story that says, this is going to happen again if I try again, so why try?"

I've stated in a previous post, this isn't our fault for thinking like this, a lot of this comes from our development at an early age.  Our success used to be measured by the outcome, not the effort, but its changing.  

Denis Waitley-

"There are no failures or mistakes, only lessons and successes."

 I find myself very fortunate to be part of an educational "experiment" at the age of 29 at Monash University Clayton.  Part of a program that is designed to depart on its students a very important trait,  Self-actualization.

  We are even more fortunate, to be the audience to Politicians, Leaders and entrepreneurs alike.  One speaker, our first speaker, Sam Prince, was among my  favorite speakers, but before he mentioned any of his failures I felt as if he were a god.  Something I could never become, standing on some precipice far beyond where I could reach. I was dwarfed and intimidated by his successes.  Until he talked about his failures.  

Failures are something we can all empathize with, because we all encounter them.  The second he showed he was not perfect, my respect for him rose exponentially, we all have our flaws.  What made him cool, was that he wasn't just cool talking about his flaws, he accepted them. 

In a world where people stop after the first failed shot on goal, who are our leaders?  Those, that have succeeded. Yet most of us only focus on the shots they made, ignorant to how many they took to get where they are.  

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed."

-Michael Jordan

Today, do you think people are hired based on their failures or their successes?

Maryling Yu, wrote for Forbes and said

 "...Failure, however, offers ample opportunity for growth, self-awareness, and personal development. Those who do take this opportunity emerge as better employees – they are humble, teachable, thoughtful, and more likely to succeed the next time they try something..."

Michael Powell, President and CEO at NCTA, wrote for LinkedIn and said - 

"The ability to learn from failure, not pure talent alone, is the greatest predictor of success."

Failure, and our leaders

Think of who you consider a leader, past or present, and I'm positive their successes will be the reason why you remember them. I guarantee they have failed and the lessons they learned from those failures, were more important than any lesson they got from succeeding.  

Einstein; Failed at school constantly, now recognized internationally for his reasoning and intellect.

Henry Ford; Started a motor company before Ford Motors, and it sucked.  Then he made Ford Motors and his vehicles dominated the nation and parts of the world.
  

I hope I have redefined what success is to you, to me, it is turning any outcome into a win win.  Either victory, or a lesson learned.  Hopefully we can empower those around us in society to feel this way.

I'm going to leave you with a question, Feel free to answer it in the comments below.

Is it possible to be a good leader without having failed? 

I think you know my answer, but what do you think?

Resources

http://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20130924104253-271580474-how-i-hire-i-look-for-your-failures-and-your-character

Eduardo Zanatta - http://www.innosight.com/about-us/eduardo-zanatta.cfm

Open 2 Study - Entrepreneurship and Family Business (Entp)

http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newLDR_75.htm

Part 2 A cup of failures is worth more than a drop of success

Failing is winning

(Art credit- D* Face)

Were taught how "bad" failure is during our most important years of development that may have the longest lasting emotional footprint. This isn't our own fault.  Our upbringing caused a nasty taste to be associated with the word failure when spoken out loud.  Like a finger is being pointed at someone, and that person should be ashamed.

  This is so frustrating to me.  Failure has to be embraced, like a warm body on a cold night!  Well maybe not that tight....or personal.  If we ever want to go anywhere, we need to not only be willing to make mistakes (see my post on fear here), but willing to accept that we made one, learn from it, and move on.  

 Failure, what the hell is it?

Its horrible, its red, it ruins your self worth, makes your mom and dad really pissed off, can taste burnt, could cost you an aquarium and end up getting flushed down the toilet, causes people to laugh at you, causes you to laugh at others and more....no those are negatives that we pick up on.  Isn't it weird how you always remember the bad stuff? I remember the people that have wronged me or hated me the most...what a waste of emotion!  Ultimately it falls under two categories. 

1. Those who fail because they're too afraid to try (if you're afraid to try as we learned from part 1, you should be trying more!)
2. Those who crash and burn because their attempts didn't work. (this one is the right one).

The failure we want MORE of in life, the symptom of trying, its our goal, and there is no better pursuit.


when People are trying more, they're taking chances and making it happen.  Sure they might fail....wait...thats great!  No one succeeds without trying.  

Fear of failure is preventing yourself from even trying.  

"oh no im not afraid of failing, i'm just waiting until i have a better understanding of ...." "it wasn't the right moment…" 

 screw that!  


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. " -Theadore Roosevelt


Every second you tell yourself that you're not ready yet, its another lesson lost, and another success put on hold.  Trying to be successful without failing is like trying to distinguish dark from light by only knowing one.  

Failure is without a doubt our biggest teacher, mentor, and Sifou out there.  It adds to our life experiences, it helps distinguish us. 

We need to be trying more, and more and more.  Ask a successful business man about what they did right, and they may or may not be able to tell you what they did.  Could have been luck.


  Ask him about his failures and he can tell you what went wrong, why, and what he learned.  You can, and will, learn more from failures than you can from success.  instead of trying to figure out the perfect way of doing something, just do it!  Try it.  Like a friend told me there are good ideas and good stories.  If its not one it'll be the other.

How to fail better

One of the biggest backlashes we feel as a result from failure is that…well…it didn't go the way we expected.  Thats the cause for the anger and frustration we see on the roads.  You get cut off by some d**chebag on your way to work and you react, "how could they?! heathens!!!" The philosopher, Seneca, had much to say on how we get frustrated when things don't go the way we plan. 

The recommended way of dealing with this is to consider your decisions an experiment
…they may or may not go the way you expect, but make sure you pay attention to the result.  Even if isn't what you wanted to see, its what is there, and its there for a reason.  So at the very least, to make damn sure you don't make the same mistake twice, make sure to pay attention to your mistakes.  

Some times, as stated, failures can lead to results we didn't expect.  That doesn't mean we need to throw away what we've done.  Often these results can contain the lesson...or in fact be the answer to a completely different question.



Start projects
http://www.instructables.com/

Learn a new skill
http://www.buzzfeed.com/summeranne/24-invaluable-skills-to-learn-for-free-online-this-year

A new language! 
https://www.duolingo.com/

(follow me on duolingo AndrewGd2)


 If it makes you uncomfortable, then do it.  That uncomfortable, tightness where you're throat is? nervousness?  That is your target! Once you lock in on that, start taking steps forward, you're breaking down barriers man!  You will achieve new heights, gain new perspectives, new friendships, understand more about yourself.  And if you give up, don't feel bad we all do at some point, just start again!

 Start a business, project, blog, fail at blogging ;) anything.



-Andrew